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The Mama came home last night and announced she was “sick as a dog”.
I don’t know about you pups, but I think that’s just about the STUPIDEST phrase I have ever heard. “Sick as a dog?” I’m not sick. I’m almost never sick. The Felix?? He’s healthy as a horse. It’s the humans around Casa de Kolchak that are the problem. They parade around like moveable germ factories, brushing up against each other and sharing whatever filth they have. As soon as I get one better, the other one will be sick. As bad as a sick Mama is, a sick Daddy is nothing you want to deal with. Last night, that oaf Daddy kissed Mama. GREAT. You know what that means.
Humans are gross, y’all.
However, as the dog, it is our job to care for them in sickness and in health. Apparently, listening to your Mama whine about how she doesn’t feeling good and offering to call her the WAAAAH-bulance, does’t qualify as “caring”. I know I’ve already shared some of my tips for taking care of your sick human, but I wanted to share just a few more.
1. Help your human get the fuzzy fever – A fever is actually a pretty cool thing. All that hot/cold/hot/cold/hot/cold you human feels? It’s their body trying to cook off or freeze out whatever gross thing your human has. You can help the process along. Snuggling up close to a human will heat them up like a furnace and turning into a total blankie hog will chill them out.
2. Keep them from hurting themselves. Last night Mama burnt her tongue on soup that was way too hot. This never would have happened if she was letting me pre-taste all her food. Very important people have food tasters Mama. YOU are very important. Do the math.
3. Disconnect from the outside world. My sick humans tend to forget that they’re sick. That Job fellow in particular doesn’t seem to give a woof. He calls all the time! (As if I needed ANOTHER reason not to like him.) Do your human a favour. Lay on the phone so they don’t hear it’s squawk. (Plus, if you’re lucky, it will be all vibratey and fun.)
OK, the Mama looks like she’s getting up. I better go stop her.
What’s your best tips for caring for your sick human?