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It’s been a big weekend for our little Luda.
His peeps moved into a new apartment. It was a big deal and a lot of work. Afraid that he’d fall into the same patterns as Allie Brosh’s Simple Dog, Lu’s Mama was (rightfully) concerned about all the best ways to help him settle into his new home.
There are approximately 302 000 Google Search Results for ways to help a dog adjust to moving.
There are NO search results for the ways a DOG can help with moving. Not a single woofing one. Frankly, Lu was aghast. He was so much help. SO MUCH?!?!
Since this is clearly a giant gaping void in the interwebs, Luda decided he simply had to share his tips.
#1 – Prevent sloppy packing
When humans are getting ready to move, they get tired of packing pretty woofing fast. Sometimes this will mean they get sloppy. For example, Lu’s Mama picked up all his toys and unceremoniously dumped them into a box. What the woof?! He gently reminded her that his toys are special and require delicate handling by removing them all from the boxes (and shaking the fluffing out of a few).
#2. Paper is for shredding
Sometimes, in the hustle bustle of moving, housekeeping will fall by the wayside. Newspapers, in particular, seem to be forgotten. Rather than taking them out to the recycling bin (where they belong) the humans just wad them up and shove them into boxes. Are they insane? You’re just delaying the inevitable, you guys. You can help by shredding all the paper into itty bitty pieces. The smaller it is, the more likely they are to just throw it out already. After all, who wants to move a bunch of trash?
#3 – Boxes are for playing with
Is there anything in life better than a good box? I don’t think so! One of the huge benefits of moving is that there are TONS of boxes around, which the humans always want to fill with a bunch of human junk.Foil their plans by stealing boxes whenever you can. You can drag them around, jump in them, flip them over and when you’re all done? You can shred them. (See #2)
#4 – Demand attention. Lots of attention.
Chances are, if your human is a sucker like Lu’s is, they’re feeling pretty barking guilty about disrupting your whole little world. Um, JACKPOT. The guiltier the human feels the more likely you are to get showered with attention. I highly recommend attention stealing tactics like giving kisses, looking pathetic and forlornly squeaking a toy. (The slower the squeak, the more attention. Sad eyes and the occasional huffy sigh will only strengthen your bid for attention). The more attention you demand, the less they get done. If they ignore you, pretend you’re King Kong terrorizing a village. Climb things, knock ’em over. Destroy what you can. They’ll pay attention. Oh yes, they will pay attention.
#5 – Moving days are prime food stealing days.
No seriously. Humans that are totally vigilant about protecting their plates 364 days a year turn into total slouches on moving day. Today, even Aunty left her sandwich unattended. Holy woof! Yeaaaaaaaah. There is a whole lots of good stuff just ripe for the stealing. Steal it. Steal it soooo good.
If you follow these tips, I guarantee you’re people will thank you. After all, my people told me about 100 thousand times today that I was a big help. They meant it too.