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If you’re not familiar with our ongoing Bedtime Fairytale, you might want to check out Part I, Part II, Part III and Part IV. 

No matter what, I just can’t win, you guys.

There aren’t a whole lot of perks to being a single dog owner, particularly if one of your dogs has separation anxiety that sucks all the air out of the room. You have to walk at night, alone, in the dark, even when it’s raining. You can’t go out without a dog sitter. All your expendable income is considered “dog money”. Dog forbid you bring someone home! (Not like that you guys. Gee, get your mind out of the gutter. I mean like, for dinner.) Holy woof! The sniff down visitors get? It’s not cool. My dogs are a bunch of judgey jerks.

The one fringe benefit was that I was sure I would finally get a full spot in the bed.

It only makes sense right? A queen size is a WHOLE LOT OF BED for one girl and two 20-odd pound dogs. There ought to be enough space for me to have a full spot with plenty of room left over for those little bed hogs to sprawl out. IT WAS MY TIME! I was finally going to get a spot!

I could not have been more wrong.

Kolchak is a real jerk. He has a new favourite spot and nothing can convince him to move. I mean, sure, I can pick him up and move him, but the looks I get you guys! Talk about if looks could kill. Still, his choice of spot is pure cheek. At bed time I make sure the door is locked and that there is dog food defrosting in the fridge. By the time I hit the bedroom, this has happened:

 

He picks the dead centre. He can’t choose a spot, he has to take a little of ALL the spots. He even rolls over and stretches out trying to take up as much space as he can. I have no idea how he does it, but every night around bedtime, he seems to double in size.

By the time Felix gets in and rearranges the pillows more to his liking (ie. all over the place), I’m left with whatever corner I can pretzel myself into. These are a few of my favourites.

The Edge Perch

I love the way I am half asleep and half holding on for dear life. It’s sooooooo restful. not.

 

The Footer

Nothing says “I am a dignified human” like curling up at the foot of the bed like you’re a dog. As an added bonus, if I’m lucky I can smack my face on the foot board. Awesome.

 

Cornered

If I bend my knees just right and curl up as small as I can, I can just about fit on the corner. You just have to be careful because your pillow keeps falling off the bed in this spot. As the pillow slowly slips off, chances are your head will start to slip too. The head rush from hanging half off the bed is strangely exhilarating.

Diagonally

Contrary to how it looks, this is a good spot.  you know why? It comes with covers! There’s no chance of falling off! It’s like the best spot ever!! I LOVE THIS SPOT!

 

Well, not the best spot. The best spot would be if I could have an ACTUAL spot on the bed, just to myself. Maybe some covers and a whole pillow.

I’m pretty sure that’s a pipe dream though.

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